Through these days when I can’t hear You
It’s hard to know that You’re still around
I sit down with hopes to hear a whisper,
But I don’t hear You make a sound
It is well.
I don’t understand what’s happening.
Where did You go? Why did You leave?
I look around, desperately, but I can no longer see
That You’re actually standing right next to me.
It is well.
“It’s a desert at the bottom of the sea”
Isn’t that such a lovely little dichotomy?
I didn’t realize just how hard it was going to be
When it came time for these words to be a reality to me
It is well.
We used to dance to the rhythm of Your heartbeat,
But now I stand still because I can’t feel You lead
And I sink to the floor because I only have energy
To cry out and admit that I am completely broken, empty, and weak.
It is well.
Despite the pain and the brokenness that I can no longer hide
I know that you are there healing everything inside
And I don’t want to ask you to change anything
Because that would take away from the depth we are going to reach
It is well.
I am in the middle of an extremely difficult, but good, season with the Lord–a desert season. I am learning what it means to trust the Lord, despite not being able to see, hear, or feel Him. I am learning what it means to be completely and utterly broken of everything that I made for myself, so that I can be made whole with things that are only of the Lord. I am learning what it means to be absolutely EMPTY of everything, so that He can be the only thing that fills me up.
IT IS SO WORTH IT
Because what is going to come out of this season is a newfound belief in the Lord that can’t be shaken.
So, now, as the days go by, I sit in the knowledge that IT IS WELL, because even though I can’t see, feel, or hear the Lord in the wilderness, I know He is still there. He hasn’t left me. He’s bringing me to a new depth with Him and awakening something in me that I never knew existed. And it’s going to be so good.
It is well.
With love,
Ash
