Back in Month 7 debrief of my Race, in July, my squad mentor talked with us about staying present, with a twist. She talked to us about our ‘future box’. We were challenged to take time with the Lord to find out what our ‘future box’ even looked like. We were then challenged to spend time with Him as we open our ‘future box’ and pray over what is ahead, and then close the future box and put it in His hands.
I had already been thinking about what God might have planned for me after the Race, and had already felt like God was calling my to CGA. The time I spent in prayer with the Lord was yet another confirmation that God was calling me to CGA, and to continue with AIM.
As I spent some time in listening prayer with the Lord and created this ‘future box’ with Him, I was intrigued to watch this image of a delicate, floral box form. I actually hadn’t been able to understand the representation behind this fragile, floral box until now. The floral theme of the box stems from the way I like to refer to my heart–as a beautiful garden. I’m not quite sure why it took my 5 months to finally figure that out, because it makes so much sense…but it did. The fragility of the box unnerved me for the longest time. Why was this ‘future box’ so delicate? I was almost afraid to touch it! As I continued to think over this throughout the past months, I began to notice that, for some reason, this decision was beginning to get hard. I knew in my heart what I was called to do, and I had already committed to it, but the longing of comfort began to weasel its way into my heart. I began to crave those comforts, almost to the point I was willing to risk not following God to this. Realizing that, I can now understand why my ‘future box’ looked so delicate–it hinged on the result of this battle of flesh and spirit, and the enemy was NOT going to make this easy. The enemy still hasn’t given up, but my Father has been, and continues, fighting for me as I continue to take step, after step, towards Him. That delicate box doesn’t quite scare me like it used to–because I can see it resting in the hands of my Father, just like I can feel Him protecting me and supplying the strength I need to continue moving forward.
After I spent time with my Father creating this ‘future box’, I spent some time in listening prayer with Him about what was actually on the inside of that box. It was filled with all things AIM–CGA, squad leading, passport leading, long-term missions. The possibilities seemed endless. I chuckled when I saw this, because it actually makes a lot of sense in my mind as these things continue to line up with the passions and gifts God has given me. A desire began to stir within me (one that I might dare to consider a little selfish) that whatever our next step might look like, God would use me to be able to give back, in some way, to the organization that He used as a major stepping stone to draw me closer to Himself and to His calling on my life.
Why CGA? The simple, honest answer: because I am continuing to follow God, just as I did when He called me to the World Race. I hear His gentle whisper as He calls me to continue on. And I know that this doesn’t make sense to some. What about school? Finances? The future? Another simple, honest answer: I don’t know…and I’m ok with that. What significance do those things even hold for me, if I choose to turn away from my Father to pursue them? I’m not saying ‘never’ to them. I’m just saying not now. It’s not worth it to turn from Him so that I can ‘handle’ these things on my own (and in my time), and then come and ask Him to join me and bless me where I’m at. No, instead I should join Him where He is at and where He is calling me. A life lived without Him at the center is no life at all, for me.
So, where are things right now? I’m back in North Carolina. The Racers that left in January 2015 will all be meeting together for Project Searchlight (watch out for blog to be posted after) in just 12 short days, for 6 days. I’ll return home on the 16th, continue living life with my beautiful lovelies here, and begin packing for the move to Gainseville on January 29th!
But before I can officially start CGA, I have to continue fundraising! I need about $2,000 raised before January 29th. Would you prayerfully consider donating towards this next step, as I continue working with AIM? I don’t just need financial support, I need prayer! Would you prayerfully consider joining me in this journey in that way as well?
Well, that’s all for now. Stay tuned for blogs over the coming months as I work with AIM down in Gainesville! I can’t wait to see what God has in store for us there.
With love,
Ash
